Tag: funny

Bathroom Selfie Fail

Bathroom Selfie Fail


A friend of mine told me about a new app called Anchor that lets you record little mini snippets of audio, and turn them into sort of a little radio station type of thing. It’s pretty cool. The link above will take you to a segment I did about the picture, which is basically my failed attempt at a quick “bathroom selfie”.

If you click the link after a certain date it may not work, since Anchor only keeps content up for 24 hours. Either way, this seems like a funny start to the day.

Lesson learned: Actually check the camera position before taking said bathroom selfie.

In Honor of Star Wars Day

In Honor of Star Wars Day

It’s May 4th, and in honor of all the Star Wars-themed memes of the internet, I proudly share one of the first videos I posted  to YouTube some time ago. In this video I “use the force” to…well…have a look.  🙂

Getting heated about the heat

Getting heated about the heat

I need to vent.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist… I figure if a blog post has a picture of some variety it makes it something a bit more interesting. No? Oh well, I thought it was funny. I need to “vent”, so there’s a picture of a vent…okay, never mind.

Let’s go back in time just a bit, to March 2010. I’d been looking around at different apartment complexes, and narrowed it down to a few within a short drive of my mom and brother’s place. Once I found the one where I currently am living, I was excited to get my paperwork in order and to move in. But, once I did move in I found the one extremely annoying thing about my apartment that really bugs me.

So, the papers are signed, I’ve got the keys, and I’ve come in to have a look around before I move in. The wood floors are all shiny, I have a new refrigerator, and I can start moving in any time. Great! So, I’m looking around, and I can’t find the thermostat, since it was a little toasty in the apartment.

A friend suggested I look on the baseboard heater things to see if there was a controller, and sure enough I found one! Or, I found one that…kind of looked like it may have been one at one time or another.

I called the rental office, and asked if someone could come to repair the thermostat, and I then found out, the hard way, that which I wished I’d asked initially.

A friendly voice on the other end of the phone said to me, “There used to be a thermostat there, but it was removed a few years ago and all apartments heat is now controlled from a central location.”

What?! I have no control over my heat?! WTF!

I then found out this was common among apartments…

Asinine!

Now, back to the present; I got my rent bill, and sometimes included with the bill will be some sort of flyer or letter from the landlord. This time around, we had something talking about “Getting ready for Winter” – the letter stated that all of the snow removal apparatus was ready, they were stocked up on salt and whatnot, blah blah blah, but then there was a section about “What you could do to get ready for winter”

This is when I started laughing. Uncontrollably.

One of the lines stated “To ensure proper heating of your apartment, please remove all window air conditioners.”  (and they made sure to bold and underline this part too)

Proper heating of my apartment?!

That’s damn hilarious. I can’t properly heat my apartment, because with the windows closed it makes an oven look like Antarctica. I have to have the windows open, and even that doesn’t help all the time. Sometimes I will need to use the fan mode on my A/C units to get adequate air flow to make the environment habitable. Sometimes when it’s been below 50 outside I’ve even had to use the actual A/C component since it was just too damn hot in my room.

So, in response to that request to remove my air conditioner, in a word:

No. In more than one word: “To properly heat my apartment, give me a damn thermostat. Until then, you can either come remove them yourself (which I’ll just put them back when you’re not looking), or shut up.” 

I’m not bitter, honest. Really.

I honestly don’t see how removing the window units will “ensure proper heating”  – the two have nothing to do with one another.

There is another apartment complex just down the street from where I live now, I may look at it as an option if the rent goes up too much when my lease renewal comes up. The caveat, though, is these apartments rely more on electricity, but have lower rent as a result since none of the utilities are included (I need clarification on that) – so, theoretically, I may be able to pay for exactly what I want/need and not have to feel like a broiling chicken when I’m watching TV… I don’t know. I really don’t feel like moving again, but I also don’t feel like experiencing the inside of a sauna just when I’m trying to relax in the sanctity of my home.

Okay, rant over, thank you for letting me get this all out.

When’s the last time you told a complete stranger where you lived?

When’s the last time you told a complete stranger where you lived?

You may be reading that title and thinking “What the hell are you talking about?”

I hear this happen all the time, and it’s actually kind of amusing. This can happen anywhere; a bar, a store, standing in line some place, really anywhere you might come into contact with someone whom you’ve never met. I’ll give you an example:

Picture this: You’re standing in line at a store, waiting to pay for something and you notice the person in front of you has the same item you’re getting. You happen to be feeling social, so you strike up a conversation about whatever this product was, how great it is, and how life will be so much better when you take it out of the box. So, the obligatory question of “So where are you from?” comes up, and then you both find out you’re from the same town. Then, what I like to call “The Verbal GPS” comes out. Usually sounds a little bit like this:

“Oh , I live in Anytown.”

“Wow, me too! Whereabouts?”

“Down by the lake, on the south side.”

“Oh that’s so funny, near the boat house?”

“Oh yeah, just go a few blocks past the boat house, I’m the last left before the train tracks.”

“Oh yeah I know that area really well! I grew up there.”

…and so forth. Congratulations, you’ve just told a complete stranger where you live! Granted, things barely ever get any farther than that, but in this day and age where everyone is so protective of their personal information, and identity theft is what it is, it’s just kind of comical how something as simple as this still happens from time to time.

You know you’ve done it….yeah, I have too.

The letter Q

The letter Q

The letter Q is somewhat of an oddball creature. It’s kind of like an O, but it has it’s own unique twist… literally. It’s an O, with an attitude; it stands out from the crowd as it’s own unique entity. That being said, why is it so hardly used in this alphabet?

It’s definitely got some kind of ‘tude in there, since it goes almost everywhere with its significant other, the letter “U”, which is starting to become one of the most over-used letters of the alphabet, since it’s decided to take the place of one of its most common supporters, the word “you”; it’s taken on the job of that entire word just with it’s single-letter presence. That deserves some honorable mention, since it’s probably getting pretty tired of having to strut around next to Q, letting Q take all of the glory.

So, on to Q. We use it at the beginning of so many words; Quick, Quiet, Quell, Quench. We use it in the middle of some words, relinquish, requited, inquire. But, it never finishes a word.Why is that? Just think of all of the possibilities, if the letter Q could round up the end of a word…Throw all that attitude and pizzazz at the very end of a conglomerate of other letters. Just imagine what we can do with that?

I’ll show you!

We could introduce new meanings to otherwise-dull words through the use of creative spelling. In speech the difference would be indistinguishable, but such is the case with words like “meet” and “meat”.

For example, if my pal Adam got a new car, instead of saying “Hey, that’s a nice car.” which is pretty lame, I could say “Hey man, sick ride!” but that, too, is kind of lame. But, let’s add our friend Q, and now we’ve got “Hey man, that ride is siq!”

How cool is that?! I know, it’s pretty siq.

You could even save yourself the extra letter of having to type a “u” after some of those Q’s, not to mention changing “ck” to “q” is going to save you some time too. Add up all of the instances where it will benefit your workflow efficiency, and hey you might even get a whole hour back of your life by the time you’re 90. How siq is that?!

You can use Q in the middle of words too. “How ridiqulous is that? That’s some sliq shit, man!”

Play around with it, I think you’ll see what a vast untapped source of epiqness the letter Q can be, if you start to get a little nuts with it!

—-
DISCLAIMER: I take no responsibility for any students getting points marked off in class for using the letter Q creatively.

 

Bring back the damn towels

Bring back the damn towels

I miss those paper towel dispensers from the public restrooms. You know the kind I mean, the one with the newspaper-like half-paper/half-somethingorother towel-like linen-esque thing dangling beneath it, awaiting your rip. You just walk up and snatch a piece to dry off your dripping hands. Nothing is more annoying than to have dripping hands. Your hands are sopping wet, you really can’t do much of anything else. Anything you touch will get wet, you’ll leave a liquid trail wherever you go. We can’t have that.

But now, in the spirit of being “Green”, and being more eco-friendly, the dangling paper purveyors have given way to…the giant air-blower dryer things that don’t do the job nearly as well!!!! It takes minutes to dry your hands with one of these, rather than seconds. That’s huge. 3 minutes versus 10 seconds? And that’s not all. The stupid things are on timers, the length of which is clearly not long enough to dry your hands completely in the first place!!!

If we’re recycling just about everything under the sun, what’s to say we couldn’t recycle the paper towels used in the bathroom and melt/mix/mash them into more paper towels? Do wereally have to subject ourselves to wasting more time in the bathroom when we’re already done with our business? Think about it. What else could we possibly do in a bathroom once we’ve made our deposit and washed up? There’s really nothing left to do, but once we’ve got wet hands we’re stuck there for another short time. I’m surprised there aren’t ads up on the walls of the bathroom near the hand dryers. It’s prime real estate when you think about it; it’s a wall that people have to look at, because there’s nothing else we could possibly look at while standing there during the 2-3 cycles of the timed hand dryer. Really.

It’s free advertising. Let’s also think about target market. Who would a bathroom wall appeal to? Who visits a bathroom on a regular basis? Moreover, who washes their hands? Hopefully everyone, but if there’s an interesting ad on the wall maybe it will make people want to wash their hands just to spend the extra few minutes reading the ad. Maybe it can be a means to promote washing our hands and not spreading nasty germs in the surrounding area to your bathroom of choice.